4 months.

The 21st will continue to be a hard day for me. While it “technically” has been 17+ weeks, today is the day that I struggle with the most on the calendar.

Last year on this day, he was at our house. It was Easter. We made a last minute change to our summer family vacation plans and booked a house in WI because he wanted to come with us. That vacation was a gift.

Yesterday I told someone I was talking to that while I never wanted to go through this…I am grateful it happened 4 months ago. When we lived in a time that people could come around us. I don’t know how I would have survived this without our community of friends and family who showed up in tangible ways for weeks.

My heart grieves for those that have lost someone in the last month that can’t receive a simple hug for comfort. I just can’t imagine how difficult that would be.

Today the sun is shining and I am grateful for that. My son was a shining light to those around him despite his many internal struggles. I will do my best to be a little more like that today in honor of him.

“Take this mountain weight
Take these ocean tears
Hold me through the trial
Come like hope again

Even when the fight seems lost
I’ll praise you
Even when it hurts like hell
I’ll praise you
Even when it makes no sense to sing
Louder then I’ll sing your praise.

I will only sign your praise…..”
Even When It Hurts – Hillsong United