2 years ago and maybe one of the last pictures of all 4 of you together. Gosh I miss you loads Isaac. It feels like so much life keeps happening that I want to talk to you about. Gabe is looking at colleges and seriously considering School of Mines. Man, I wish you could talk to him about your experience there. The good, the bad…that brotherly advise only you could give.
Last night I had to “give up” something of yours…one of your siblings got it…but I had been holding it sacred these last 18 months. It is doing no good in a drawer but I secretly had to go off into the bathroom and cry for a minute after it happened. It felt very weighty. You aren’t coming back, I know that, and over and over we are reminded of that fact.
Some of your friends are married and having babies and I am SO excited about that and equally heartbroken that I won’t ever get that call from you.
Someone told me early on that grief was like carrying a rock in your pocket. Early on it felt like a boulder and that too much to bear, as the days go on the weight of it lessens but sometimes as it rolls around, it hurts. And it is a pretty true analogy.
I am grateful for the days that the weight is light and I sit with the reality of the heavy days too. I don’t love it but it is mine and all the pain and missing you son…I bear it because you were and are so loved. Always and forever.