I woke up thinking about things I shouldn’t be thinking of at 5am. I tried to pray and calm my mind but it wasn’t working….so I just got up.

It is in times like this that I find myself saying “Isaac, Isaac, Isaac”….and then out of sheer desperation, because I don’t know what else to pray “Jesus, Jesus, Jesus”.

I know that I won’t ever have the answers I am looking for this side of eternity. It would be really easy to become bitter and angry at Isaac, God, the world. But I just can’t let myself go there….I won’t let the darkness win.

It is a constant, daily re-turning back over my life to God in a way I never have before. It is like He is asking “Do you trust me with this?” and I have a choice on how I will respond.

The Bible says blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord. I know I have SO many things to be grateful for….but this particular thing, this loss, it just hurts so much.

But I feel like I must trust Him, because I know it is the only way through this. So every day my prayer remains the same, “Beauty from ashes Lord, beauty from ashes…”