I have been awake since 3:30. It is a strange reality, there are a few moments when you first wake that you don’t recognize where you are or remember what has happened…and then it all comes flooding back.

My boy is at the funeral home down the street. In a few hours we will head there to make plans for his service and pick out a coffin. I don’t know that we will see him yet but I believe we will get to at some point. I realize that it is just his “earth suit” as my old pastor used to call it…but I am desperate and terrified to see him.

It is going to be so real, so final. I know it is all true but this is just one more step in saying goodbye for now.

The physical pain in my chest is all consuming this morning. I almost can’t take a full breath. All I can pray is Jesus, Jesus, Jesus.

And as I sat here for a moment breathing deeply I was reminded of Job. The very story I spoke of in my talk in November. Job didn’t lose just one son, he lost all of his sons and daughters in one fell swoop. And this was his response.

“And he fell to the ground and worshiped. And he said, Naked I came from my mother’s womb and naked I shall return. The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away, blessed be the name of the Lord.” Job 1:20-21

Blessed be the name of the Lord. Do I really believe that? I do, deep in my soul I do. I can’t explain it but to say He is carrying us. I can feel it. Restore what is broken Lord and make something beautiful out of it for your glory. That is my prayer.