This morning a “memory” came up in my Facebook feed. It was from March 28, 2019. I shared these words…
“There are moments in our lives where all we can do is pray. I was telling my best friends and prayer partners that I can’t believe what we were having to pray for at this time last year. Those were some dark, hopeless times. And yet today I have seen answers in such unexpected ways, such beauty that a year ago I would never have thought was possible. God is good.
If you are in that dark place today don’t lose hope! God IS there and He IS working. Give your worries to Him, ask trusted friends to pray with you and believe that one day you too will marvel at all He will accomplish.”
I suppose it would be easy for me to read that today, understanding our now current circumstances, and wonder if I still really believed it?
So I got out my old journal from 2018. Because I find that it is good for me to remember. Remember the hard times and the good. Remember all the ways that God was faithful. It doesn’t mean that I will walk through this life trouble free….but if I stop and remember, I can see how God carried me and trust that He will do it again.
Part of my prayer for Isaac back on March 27 of 2018 was this…”Lord, flood him with a sense of Your peace and presence. Bring a mentor into his life that might lead him and guide him into a closer relationship with You. Restore a healthy balance of sleep. Remove his anxiety Lord so that he can function well. Just help him Lord. Help him to see and live and walk in his full potential. I know that you can do great things with him. Help him to make an impact on those around him and be a representation of You.”
God answered that very specific prayer in very specific ways.
Isaac did find a great job. It was a struggle but he eventually found the perfect job for him and he was really excited about it. At that job he met a man that would be a mentor to him. Both in his job and spiritually. We remain forever grateful for Josh’s influence on Isaac’s last year. And Isaac did make an impact on those around him. His co-workers and friends continue to remind me of that. Of course our family believes that…but to hear an “outsider” say those words mean so very much.
God answered those prayers. And I want you to hear me on something this morning. Just because Isaac lost his battle with depression DOES NOT mean that God failed.
Trust me, for the rest of my life I will wish that the outcome was different. I will grieve my son’s loss. Every day. But just because he died doesn’t mean that I can’t trust God is good. Just because he died doesn’t mean that God isn’t still present and working in this.
Story after story in the Bible reveal God’s redemptive nature. And in two weeks we will celebrate His greatest sacrifice of all – the gift of His Son for our sins. God did not fail us because ultimately my focus needs to be on the cross. His loss for my sake, for our sake. I see it fresh in a new way this morning.
So as I sit today, our first full day in our “Stay at Home” order, with fears looming over how long this will last and worries about losing someone else I love, still raw and brokenhearted and missing my son ….I plead with my Father to do it again.
Over and over Lord you have been faithfully restoring and refining me. In this too I just ask that you move again. Restore, remake, renew and use this for Your glory. Amen.