I spent the majority of yesterday and some of this afternoon starting the process of writing out thank you cards. I have only done about 70 or so, but I am making a dent in them.

Karlena and I took a break to run to Walmart quick this afternoon for a few groceries. We were over by the Valentines items and she saw this huge lion for $24. Normally I wouldn’t give in and just buy something like that, but she thought it might help with her nightmares and inability to sleep. How do you say no to that? You don’t, in fact you buy a 2nd one for Elijah too just because….

While we were standing there a young woman walked by. She was one of the students from Taiwan we had over for our Thanksgiving meal. She didn’t recognize us, but even Karlena recognized her. I remember after those students had come we really wanted to have them over around Christmas….

I just couldn’t help but think that when she was at my home, so was Isaac.

I recognize that life goes on. Gabe signed up for and started jazz band and knowledge bowl. Our calendar is busy with client meetings that were made before the end of the year. There are still spelling tests to study for and yellow packets to do and a wax museum part to prep for…

I suppose it is good that we are “forced” to get up and keep going. It would be really easy to get stuck in the darkness if I didn’t have a family to push forward for, but I will be honest, so much of it feels so trivial right at this moment.

I have struggled with what to read in the Bible right now. My friend Rachel gave me a small daily devotional specifically for someone dealing with grief. In it is a short message with 3 Bible verses at the end.

I decided that maybe the best thing for me right now is to look up and write out those verses. It is a small way I can stay in the Word.

We are studying Proverbs in church and today our pastor walked through a portion of Proverbs 3.

Proverbs 3:3 says this:

Let love and faithfulness never leave you;

bind them around your neck,

write them on the tablet of your heart.

The Word of God is filled with His love and faithfulness for us. Writing out His Word, even a few short verses each morning, is writing them on the tablet of my heart.

I feel like in many ways I am struggling to move forward well, or fast enough, or I don’t know….I am just not sure that I am doing this thing correctly. And it is easy for me to forget who and what should be my first priority, and that is God.

When I go to Him first I am less anxious, less resentful, less angry and more at peace. I will always have questions and will never understand the “whys” but if I give Him my everything I believe He will make my path straight.